Shatter me
by Byukio
Summary: Kurapika simply wants their share of the information promised by Hisoka but Hisoka wants a date first, this results in the most awkward date ever and Hisoka singing songs on the ride to said destination. Kurapika can't help but think Hisoka is a little sad, awful but sad.


**A/N: everything about this fic is awkward. Fic takes place before Paku dies and Hisoka tells Kurapika about Chrollo's ability to steal other users Nen. so like around there somewhere and before Chrollo loses his nen. alright ! also you have no idea how weird it is having fluff with this when Hisoka is involved ok lol **

**This is also my first hunter x hunter fic, hoo boy.**

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When Hisoka and Kurapika have another meet up, it's in a car and for some reason it's Hisoka's car.

Kurapika would've expected one of those small clown vehicles considering it is Hisoka.

Surprisingly it's not and they're a little surprised by that—then again they weren't sure what kind of car Hisoka would even have.

"Ah are you really this surprised by my car?" Hisoka asked and they shrug, yes, Kurapika is surprised that Hisoka drives something normal.

Hisoka turns on his radio because like this isn't awkward enough as it is because Hisoka's condition for this information is a date because Hisoka is lonely.

The radio starts blaring a ridiculous song, the first lyric Kurapika hears is "and then I jizz in my pants..." and they cough and Hisoka smiles, "oh yes, I know my music taste is phenomenal!"

Kurapika rolls their eyes; Hisoka's music taste is awful, absolutely awful, why would anyone listen to these kinds of songs?

"You're disgusting," Kurapika insults and Hisoka pouts and tells them "you shouldn't be so angry and down all the time, you know what I do when I'm sad?"

Hisoka changed the song and Kurapika answers, "I don't care when you're sad, so I don't care how you deal with—" and the song starts playing and oh my god why does Hisoka start singing.

"Whenever life gets you down, keeps you wearing a frown, and the gravy train has left you behind..." Kurapika decides that Hisoka's singing is far more annoying than when he is talking.

"Hisoka," Kurapika tries to interrupt but Hisoka keeps singing.

"Kurapika, never worry 'bout a thing got the world on a string cause I've got the cure for all of my blues," Hisoka sung.

Kurapika wonders to themself why Hisoka has to be singing on their "date" or at least that's what Hisoka kept calling it but to Kurapika it's just for information, what else would it be?

Hisoka then asked Kurapika a question; thank god he stopped singing for now.

"Kurapika, you know what makes me happy when I'm sad?"

Kurapika then sighed, they really didn't care but Hisoka began to sing again.

"I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start melting away. I take a look at my enormous penis and the happy times are coming to stay!" Hisoka cheered and Kurapika groans and elbows Hisoka.

Kurapika wanted to get this over with already and Hisoka grins and honestly they're surprised that Hisoka has the audacity to take them out to dinner and not a simple "hit it and quit it" kind of thing.

Hisoka must truly be lonely, Kurapika then laughs about that and Hisoka doesn't quite get what's so funny but he ignores it—a total of five more embarrassing songs and sing alongs from Hisoka happen before they arrive at the restaurant.

Kurapika still can't believe Hisoka is the type to go to restaurants, it's anything but normal when a murderous clown is trying to dine, it's so not normal to imagine Hisoka doing these kinds of things.

"I tried a dinner date with Machi once but she just walked out when I came back," Hisoka said and surprisingly Hisoka likes romance because he goes on to talk about how he gave Illumi a basket of sweets once only to have Illumi try and kick the crap out of him for placing a nude inside—because apparently, Illumi gave it all to Killua.

Hisoka is kind of sad but Kurapika has no sympathy for someone like him anyway.

So they both place their orders and Hisoka keeps talking about random bullshit that just seems to spew endlessly from his mouth.

Hisoka thinks it'd be cute to try and play "footsie" so Hisoka slams his foot into Kurapika's and apparently it's playfully but Kurapika doesn't think so, they end up trying to break Hisoka's foot and Hisoka just smiles.

Kurapika raises their voice, "if you don't stop kicking me, I'll reach over this table and strangle you."

Oh god, Hisoka's expression is disgusting.

"Mmm, that makes me think dirty thoughts, Kurapika," Hisoka hums and Kurapika grumbles and crosses their arms, they just want the information about the phantom trope.

Kurapika sighs when Hisoka's desert arrives and he offers to "feed" it to Kurapika and they recline said offer because they don't want anything Hisoka is eating.

"No wonder everyone rejects you," Kurapika insults and Hisoka pouts, "Mm, I'm almost insulted," Hisoka fakes a whine but he does look generally pathetic—I mean when he wanted this it was awkward enough.

"Mmm, you know I wonder what those chains would feel like around me," Hisoka purred and Kurapika groans in response.

Hisoka is also disgustingly sweet because he asks if he can hold Kurapika's hand because he wants to feel affection, apparently and if only to get the information faster, they oblige.

Hisoka becomes disgustingly giddy and he's smiling and honestly what the fuck is wrong with him.

"So, is this over with?" Kurapika asks.

Hisoka pays for their dinner and the latter goes onto say that he'd like—and Kurapika swears they're going to choke on their own spit if Hisoka says something ridiculous like "cuddling" because absolutely not, they will not do such a thing with Hisoka.

That's something intimate and that's not something Kurapika would ever want to do with someone like Hisoka.

"Do dates end with kisses?" Hisoka asks.

It's as if the magician had never even been on a date in his life—not always did they end like that but Kurapika can't really vogue for that either considering they haven't been on many dates either.

"Some do, some don't," Kurapika says as he enlightens Hisoka.

Hisoka grins and they guess that he's going to ask something like that.

"And then you'll get your information," Hisoka says.

Kurapika's already endured shitty sing alongs, a weird, awkward, dinner date, awkward hand holding, fine, fine, this better be worth it or he was going to harm Hisoka, though the latter would probably enjoy that, knowing how much the magician got off on things like that, they wouldn't be surprised in the least.

Kurapika sighs and Hisoka's grinning and he seems generally giddy about this—who knew someone like Hisoka could even want or like romance then again they never got to know Hisoka though they didn't really want to either.

Hisoka cups Kurapika's cheeks and kisses their lips, it's passionate, almost sweet, almost normal at first and then it gets violent because Hisoka bites and Kurapika bites back because he dislikes Hisoka for this and he licks his lips and smiles at them.

"Mmm, you're actually a good kisser," Hisoka teases.

"Yeah, okay," Kurapika says, they don't care, they think their mouth is bleeding now because of Hisoka's teeth breaking the skin a little, they might have a bruise now.

Yeah, they can taste blood.

"Well, thank you," Hisoka says and he leans in close and whispers to Kurapika the information they want to know and Kurapika's thankful that their "date" is over.

The information was well worth it, they guess, knowing the tropes weaknesses is worth it after all—though, it may or may not be true but Kurapika holds Hisoka to his word.

"Anytime you want to have another date just call me," Hisoka purrs and they swear Hisoka's tone sounds like there is a hidden "xoxoxo" in his voice.

"Very unlikely," Kurapika says and with that Hisoka leaves.

Hisoka smiles to himself and Kurapika thinks to themself that Hisoka is a very strange man, if not stranger than before.

They never thought that anyone like Hisoka would like these kinds of things, they would have never pegged him for the traditional, romancing type; perhaps Hisoka can be as lonely as any other normal person.

Kurapika touches their lip, well, nothing cover up won't fix.


End file.
